In the Problem Origin article I wrote about what is wrong with how we grow up today. Here the focus is different. This is about how you can still grow up a bit more on your own terms. If you feel everyone expects something from you, but you are not even sure what you want, then you are the target reader. You are not broken. You are just in a system that pushes you around.
Ahead we look at school, friends, choosing a university, money and independence. You will not get a step by step guide. You will get ideas that can help you make your own choices. The tone will be direct and sometimes a bit cold, but never against you. The problem is the system, not you.
How to look at youth and problems
When you are young, school and friends feel like the whole world. One bad grade or one argument can feel like the end of everything. At the same time you still do not have many real responsibilities and it feels like “real life” will start later. Here is the thing, this is real life too. It is just the part where you can still try things, fail and change direction without losing a job or a flat. You can test hobbies, people and ideas and see what fits and what does not.
Most school drama, crushes and grades will not matter in a few years. You will forget half of it. The harder part comes later, when work, bills and maybe kids enter the story. Then you will have less energy and less free time. So it makes sense not to waste this easier phase only on your phone and tiny school fights. Use it to learn things, to explore, to figure out who you are. If you do that, you will enter adulthood a bit less lost.
School, knowledge and curiosity
School quickly gives you the feeling that your value is in grades, awards and university degree. If you believe that fully, you forget the main thing. As an adult you live off what you actually know and can do. Not off what was written on your report card. I recommend you finish school in a way that still lets you pick the secondary school or university you want. But your main focus should be on a few things where you can really become great and stand out among your peers. Things that might still matter to you in your thirties, not only this year. It is honestly better to be an average student, who really masters one or two skills than a straight A student who has no idea what they can offer the world. Perfect Human cares more about real skills than about pure grades.
How you study matters too. Many people only start the night before a test, highlight random lines and panic. Then they forget almost everything. A better way is to explain the material out loud, make short notes and repeat before it fades. Some people remember best when they write, others when they draw sketches and some when they talk aloud. It is worth finding a style that suits you. If you study a little every day, you have less stress and more free time. You are not a genius just because of that. You are simply using your brain in a smarter way.
School also trains you to sit quietly and learn what someone else picked for you. If you want to keep your curiosity alive, you have to open a few doors on your own. Small projects, books, documentaries or long conversations with people who do not think like you. Sometimes it means asking at home, in a calm way, why you always do things this way. Not to attack, just to understand. This is how you start to think with your own head and see that life is more than just grades and homework.
Free time is not only for just switching off and doing nothing. It is also the part of the day where you can learn things you will really need as an adult. You can swap some scrolling time for learning basic money skills, understanding news or checking what food and exercise actually do to your body. If you also look a bit into how companies, jobs and contracts work, your first serious job will be less of a shock.
The internet can help or destroy you here. The problem is not technology itself. The problem starts when the phone is leading you, not you leading the phone. It makes sense to set a time when the screen is simply off. And to be honest about which apps only eat your life and give you nothing. You do not need to become a monk, but you can swap some pointless scrolling for videos, courses or forums where you actually learn something useful. Languages, coding, law basics, practical work skills. Perfect Human uses their free time as an extra school for life and their phone as a tool, not as a way to escape from their own life.
Values, rebellion and who to listen to
When someone tells you what to do, you have a small choice moment. You can say yes, feel it is stupid and just swallow the anger. Or you can stop for a second and ask yourself what you think about it. Is this thing really important? Or is it just a habit? Who benefits from it? If something seems fair and makes sense, you do it and you don’t make a big deal out of it. If something is total nonsense, you say no or you try to make a more sensible deal. Perfect Human is not a robot who just follows orders and hopes for the best. They slowly learn where their line is and what is worth their precious time.
Rebellion is similar. Rebelling just to be “against everyone” usually hits you hardest in the end. It can close doors you will wish you had later. It is smarter to pick your battles. Push back where rules are clearly stupid or where there is obvious injustice. Sometimes courage is also staying out of arguments where you know no one will change their mind anyway. It’s better to walk away and keep your energy and relationships for places where you actually have a chance to move something.
Growing up also means choosing whose voice and advice counts in your head. You do not have to listen to opinions from classmates or random people online. And adults are not automatically right either, just because they are older. You look at the advice itself. Does it make sense? Does it match the life you want? You look for mentors who actually live values you like, not just talk about them. Ask yourself a simple question. Would I be happy, if my life looked like theirs in ten years? If yes, maybe their advice is worth more attention. If no, you can still like them, you just do not have to copy their life.
At the same time, you should not not idealise anyone. Even the best mentor is still only human. You can take one trait you like, for example their confidence or discipline, and ignore the parts you do not want. If someone you admired does something really wrong, you do not have to excuse it. You keep what was good and drop the rest. Step by step you build your own “Perfect Human” version out of pieces from different people, not by copying one person almost fully.
Growing up isn’t a waiting room between childhood and your first job. It’s already the real thing. These years are where you test who you are in different roles, with different people, in different situations. You notice where you feel like yourself and where you feel uncomfortable. You notice which friends drain you and which ones calm you. If you find even one or two good role models and learn basic independence, adult life is still hard, but it’s less of a mess. Perfect Human doesn’t hope that one day things will magically sort themselves out. They start now, with small steps, so future them has an easier life, not a bigger problem.
The same logic applies to hobbies. A lot of young people stay in a sport or music class for years because it makes parents happy. Not because they care. It helps to sometimes ask yourself if this is actually your thing. If it is not, it is okay to speak up. You can tell your parents, clearly and respectfully, that you would like to try something else and explain why. You are not ungrateful if you stop chasing their dream. You are just trying to live your own.
School, university and career path
Choosing a university or a career is scary, and most people pretend they know what they are doing. Many do not, so do not feel alone. The point is not to chase the highest possible salary at any cost. If you hate your work, the money will never be enough. Every Sunday night you will feel heavy you will burn-out quickly. At the same time, it is not smart to go into a field that clearly has no future or will be paid so badly that you cannot live from it. So you look for a middle path. Something you can become good at and do not hate. And something that will probably still exist and pay a normal life in ten or twenty years.
Brochures, TikTok and movies will sell you a nice story about certain jobs. “Creative, dynamic, flexible” and other nice-sounding buzzwords that mean nothing. Reality is usually more boring and more tiring. It is smart to visit the school, talk to students and ask what they actually do all day. If you can, talk to people who already work in that field. Ask them what an average Tuesday looks like, not just the best or worst moments. If there is a chance, shadow someone for a day or do a short internship. Office, factory, studio, anything. It can feel boring and pointless while you do it, but it can save you years on the wrong path.
If you come from a poorer or chaotic family, it does not mean you are doomed. But it does mean you will have to be more creative and resourceful. Apply for scholarships, join free programmes, use public libraries and find good online courses. There countless cheap ways to get knowledge. Student work and volunteering can also help. Look for places where you actually learn something and meet people who can later open doors. Perfect Human in this situation does not pretend it is fair and they know their start is harder. And exactly because of that, they search for every possible chance instead of giving up in advance.
Independence, money and the real world
Independence does not start when you move out. It starts at home. If you live like in a hotel and your parents do everything, moving out will hit you like a truck. You can slowly take on basic things you will later do alone anyway. Cooking a few simple meals, doing laundry, cleaning and knowing how to make a doctor appointment. Every young person should be able to feed themselves with more than just delivery, wash their clothes and pay a few bills without panic. That is not perfection. That is basic survival.
Money is similar. If you grow up in a bubble where parents pay for everything and you never see actual numbers, reality will be brutal later. Before you move out it helps to know roughly how much rent, food and transport cost and what a normal salary is. You can take over some costs step by step, starting with phone bill or groceries. It is not about punishing yourself, it is about training for later. Along the way you should also pick up basic adult skills, like talking to a landlord or a boss, checking a contract before you sign it and understanding what insurance you need. This way, leaving home is less of a shock and more of a logical next step.
It also matters who you think will save you. If your whole plan is “someone will help me”, you will often end up disappointed. People help when it also fits their interests or when they feel it is worth their time. So it is better to build strong basics yourself instead of counting on other people or luck. Think ahead about different possible scenarios. That way you are not surprised and can adjust what you do instead of just reacting in panic. Perfect Human does not just sit and hope things will work out by themselves. They prepare as well as they can with what they have.
And then there are people. In the real world, what you know is important, but who you know can be just as important. A diploma can open the door, but a recommendation can pull you through it. Your career often moves forward because you were in the right place with the right people at the right moment. This is not always fair, but you can use it. Join clubs, events, internships or online communities connected to that kind of work. What matters is that you are around people who already work in that field. Step by step you build a small circle of people who know you and might think of you when a chance appears. Perfect Human works on their skills and their relationships, knowing that people are often the ones who will push them one step higher.
Conclusion
This text is not here to turn you into a model student or a productivity robot. It is here to help you see school, work, money and relationships with clearer eyes. Growing up is not just waiting for life to “start”. It is life. It is training for the years when you will have less time and more responsibility. You do not need a revolution. Pick one idea from here that stuck with you. Maybe about phone use. Maybe about finding mentors. Maybe about learning to cook. Try to move that one thing in the next weeks.
No one expects you to be a Perfect Human. What matters is that you run a bit less on autopilot, decide with your own head and actually learn from what happens to you. That way adult life hits you a little less hard when it comes.
You can also read the Better Society article about growing up, where school and society work as they were intended.
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